


Ten Times That Didn't Happen

by hyperion



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Breast Fucking, Cunnilingus, F/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-18
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2017-11-15 09:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperion/pseuds/hyperion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint and Natasha lie about the first time they had sex with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Times That Didn't Happen

**Author's Note:**

> [brbshittoavenge](http://brbshittoavenge.tumblr.com/post/25077906850/more-clint-natasha-headcanon-facts-d) posted some "facts" that I took as inspiration. "17. If ten people were to ask them about the first time they made love (and they were actually willing to answer), those ten people would get ten different answers. They’ll never tell. And they enjoy making up the lies they would tell."

1\. **Clint:** Natasha couldn’t resist my charm. End of story.

2\. **Natasha:** Clint was a pathetic puppy dog from day one. I threw him a bone.

3\. **Clint:** We went out drinking after a mission. Natasha is a horny drunk. Now, I’m a little hands on when I’m drunk, but she put her hands down my pants first. That was the only time I’ve been able to spoon with her while she was still awake.

4\. **Natasha:** Clint had a head wound. Between the blood loss and the concussion, I was surprised he could get it up. I rode him until he passed out. By that point, he really did need medical attention.

5\. **Clint:** We were doing a stake-out. Six hours in, we had run out of non-sexual topics to discuss. Natasha told me that she had never had an orgasm during sex and didn’t think men knew what they were doing. I bet her that I could get her off. She took the bet, and I spent the next hour eating her pussy. Tasha sat on my face so she could keep watch. She nearly broke my nose the third time she came.

6\. **Natasha:** The thing about Clint is that we don’t need to talk. We can be perfectly comfortable not saying anything to each other for days. We work so well together because we can interpret what the other is thinking pretty accurately. So when I climbed up to his nest for some quality silence, he looked at me, and I knew. There were people in the lab below us, and it was the quietest sex I’ve ever had.

7\. **Clint:** The first time Natasha and I had sex, well, it wasn’t exactly penetrative. But I still count it as sex because it was the best tit fuck I’ve ever had.

8\. **Natasha:** I hadn’t had sex in six months. I hadn’t even had much down time to jack off. It started affecting my brain, to the point where every time I saw Clint, I had the irresistible urge to take off his clothes. Probably shouldn’t have sparred with him when I was feeling like that. It also didn’t help that he smells so good when he sweats. So I pinned him and took off his pants. Maybe it was the six months of nothing, but that was one satisfying cock.

9\. **Clint:** I was down with the flu. Natasha will tell you that I whine when I’m sick, but that didn’t stop her from slipping into bed with me. My fever had just broken but I was still weak, so it was slow and sweet.

10\. **Natasha:** Clint called in an emergency. I went, and the emergency turned out to be a candlelit bubble bath. Clint knew by then that I don’t spoil myself, and I wouldn’t have gone near the bath if Clint hadn’t already been in it. He just smiled at me like he knew that I was coming in. The water and bubbles got everywhere, including Clint’s eyes. I thought I had maimed him. I can’t be the one responsible for blinding Hawkeye. I almost never had sex with him again.

11\. **Coulson:** The first time agents Barton and Romanov had sex has been immortalized on S.H.I.E.L.D. security footage. It is safe in the archives. They should have known better.


End file.
